Because i deserve it!

Dark Clouds

With some exceptions, I'm sure, I generally take full responsibility for all the crap in my life. For the most part, those things that hang over my head like the sword of Damocles are of my own making. I won't bother to list them, but let's just say they are mostly financial. And then there are those other things: like how I don't weigh 105 lbs anymore, like how I bite my nails, the cluttered disaster of my apartment, the cat-scratched fabric of most of my furniture. All these things are the result of my own irresponsibility, laziness and lack of discipline. Somehow, over the last 10 years or so, I've stopped looking to blame external sources for my failures or the otherwise messy condition of my life.

That is: any dark cloud that follows me is weather of my own making. There are a few things that annoy the fuck out of me that are beyond my control. Like how UPS won't drop off packages without a signature IN PERSON to my apartment (I live in a flat, with off-street access and a secluded landing). I have no choice but to accept this, since when making purchases on line, I rarely have the option of choosing the shipper. And, yeah, occasionally, some CSR at UPS gets an earful regarding this ridiculous policy.

As a result of my "you make your own weather" philosophy, I tend to have little patience for people who are always talking about getting the runaround whenever a transaction with another person, company, service is involved. People whose experiences never, ever run smoothly, whose situations are so novel that you couldn't possibly empathize or sympathize or offer suggestions. I deal with someone at work like this, whose dissatisfaction for the job is so overwhelming, nothing I can ever say helps. Even when the issues are with the same people I have to deal with, and whom with I don't have these problems. I get tired of the constant boss-bashing, job bashing, etc. but I can't really say anything. I can't help, because this person has a comeback for pretty much every suggestion, none of them particularly convincing. I want to lift my arms in frustration and just say, "Then quit already." But I can't. Obviously. We have the same job, but I'm not having these problems. I once expressed this during a boss-bashing session between two co-workers, and one of them said, "It's because of your attitude" to which I wanted to shout "Dingdingding. There's your answer." But I didn't. For obvious reasons.

So, let me just say that it really sucks ass when I have to deal with this at home, where the free-speech parameters are a little wider.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference.

May the wind always be at my back

And may I be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows I'm dead.